Yoh!

Well I have definitely gone up another gear and the challenges have grown substantially.  I have had big doubts about my ability to finish this event.
We did a 65km ride on 5th July from Featherbrooke to the Chicken Pie (with a 10km loop in the Cradle).  This has over a 1000 m of climbing.  I got really tired near the end and wanted to cry.  I then found I couldn't breathe.  Jonathan was with me and calmed me down and got me to breathe slowly and deeply.  It was scary and took me completely by surprise.
The next day we did a 76km ride out Magaliesberg way called Slow Poison.  Well that was certainly my mind that day.  My mind was vicious to me that day.  I was tired and I was slow.  I was aware of the rot in my mind and kept on saying to myself:
"its ok.  its ok to be at the back.  its ok to be slow"
"i am doing fine.  look at where i have come from.  don't stress"
"its ok to be tired"

But somehow I couldn't sustain the positiveness and ended up on this loop:
 "how will i manage on the ride to rhodes on those really long days when i can't ride and sustain 65kms and only 1000m climbing"
"this is too big for me. i am no good at this. i am too slow"
"why am i doing this?"
"how will i manage"
etc, etc.

As I reached the guys who were waiting for me (again) I tried light-heartedly to apologise for being slow and them having to wait for me.  There was NOTHING light about me at that point and my chest completely closed up.  I was gasping and wheezing and not getting air into my lungs.  I stood to one side trying to retain some measure of dignity.  Doug was with me this time and Jonathan was with me again.  I was crying and convulsively breathing.  I realised that this not being able to breathe is linked into a panic attack brought on by not believing in myself and allowing my mind to control this.  Then there is a physical reaction in my body.  From an outside point of view it is quite interesting to see this huge reaction.

It has taken me ages to write this blog (it is 26 July today).

I have made a couple of changes.  The 1st being more aware that this is a life experience and to that end it is irrelevant as to what the actual experience is.  It is more important to BE in the experience - with all its glory, pain, tediousness, ability to eats loads and still lose weight, celebrate the experiences with my buddies, share the stories, be tired (exhausted actually!) and still carry on with work and home and all the normal other stuff.
The 2nd being I have been doing sprints with Fiona and I think this has aided some power in my legs.  Certainly the last few rides have been much better in terms of my strength as well as my head space.

It is so difficult to be at peace and ok with the sense of not being strong enough and not being good enough.  It is difficult to rise above that and look back at how far I have come in terms of strength, fitness and technical ability.  But that is certainly life lesson stuff.

Just keep swimming, or pedaling.....

In many ways I am becoming alarmingly similar to Dory - the daft blue fish in "Finding Nemo" who couldn't remember anything.  Anyway this past long weekend I took a line from Dory and kept it as my motto - "just keep swimming, just keep swimming".  And of course, in case any of you are confused, I meant just keep pedaling, just keep pedaling.
I set another record for me.  I suppose this is going to become boring as cycling is a new sport and training for something as big as Ride to Rhodes is going to keep me reaching new heights.  But I digress - I rode for 3 days consecutively and cycled 170kms over the 3 days.  It is now Thursday evening and I can still feel my legs!
We did a 54 km ride to the Irene Market on Saturday.  It was quite a slow ride which is some ways is great for me as it keeps my heart rate low and my base increasing but I was also a little frustrated at the slow pace.

Icicle field

Then Sunday I rode from home and met Fiona and Andre and we rode off to Northern Farm.  It was good and comfortable.  I was tired but was only focussing on the moment and not thinking about getting up again the next day for another ride.  I stayed with the "just keep swimming....." focus.  We did a 54 km ride.  It was Father's Day and Doug and Kayla met us at Northern Farm for a Bacon and Egg roll and a Platt Anna for me (toasted roll with bacon, cheese and tomato).  Yum yum.
On Monday it was a public holiday and Doug and I met up with Derick and Sonja for a Magaliesburg ride.  I was Mrs No-where on the hills - I kept of falling right back if there was even a sniff of an incline.  My legs were K-sausted - which is like exhausted but more.  I made an effort to stay positive and in the moment.  Doug said I was still being a bit too negative and when asked how I was doing I needed to lie a bit and say fine - in other words don't admit that I am tired or sore or whatever.  His observation was when the guys did this under pressure that they would crumble as they would succumb to the negativity.  I need to process this as I also believe in saying what the truth is.  Anyway more on this as we go along I guess.

Hike a Bike

My Sweetie

The railway line

I was very proud of myself that I had done the 3 days however it also scared me as I am going to be doing a lot more each day with a LOT more climbing and at a slower pace.

I also started with my programme last week from my biokinetist - Tim.  The schedule is something like this:
Monday - 25 - 30km cycle
Tuesday - strength training
Wednesday - spinning or cycling
Thursday - strength training
Friday - rest
Sat - cycle
Sun - cycle

I am really enjoying the strength training.  It is focussing on core, glutes and some upper body.  I still need to watch my elbow that was operated on - it niggles a bit which is quite annoying.
I am motivated and energised and feeling very aware of how lucky I am to be training for this - that my body is healthy and up for the challenge.

Chilly chilly

There is a cold front across the country at the moment.  I become extra aware of how blessed I am to have a beautiful home, a warm bed and warm shower in the morning (well sometimes - if I remember to set the heater on!) and warm food to fill my belly.
This morning we set out to do a 70km ride. It was minus 1 degree celcius.  I was quite nervous.  I have run through many Joburg winters and I really loved running in the cold.  I found it invigorating and exciting.  I loved dressing in the various extra layers and I would come back with freezing cheeks and bright eyes.  However in running there is not the wind chill factor in terms of going at such a speed that there is wind.  There were many layers on my body and I still had goosebumps.  I had cycle shorts, long running pants over those, 2 x pairs of socks, 1 x long sleeved warm shirt, 1 x short sleeved cycle shirt, 1 thin fleece shirt, 1 x outer layer wind breaker, 2 x buffs, 2 x pairs of gloves.  On our Magaliesberg rides they always start with about a 3km ride into a valley and it is gosh darn flippen' cold - especially on a morning like this one.  It was probably only about 30kms into the ride that I was ready to lose a couple of layers.
It was a route called Slow Poison.  Part of the ride is on a district road that is a slow steady climb on a very bumpy uncomfortable road.
I kept my heart rate below 80% and it was a solid steady pace.  Breakfast at Wimpy was fabulous and I did what I could to defrost the iceblocks at the end of my legs that used to be toes - even my right heel was frozen!
My lower back took a lot of strain for some reason but my neck wasn't too bad.  I got really tired about 15 kms from home but still opted to do an extra 4km loop to ensure I got 70kms under my belt.

Great, awesome and wonderful!

The journey of life continues

It has been a while, a long while since I posted in blog cyberspace.  I had back surgery in May 2012 - exactly 2 years ago.  I had a replacement disk on L4/L5 and a fusion on L5/S1.  It was a good and proper surgery and a year of healing.  A year of letting go and starting new.

My sweetie pie bought me a new bike - after years of trying to buy me a bike and me saying no, no, no!

Well I fell in love with my soft tail, Santa Cruz Superlight bike.  My cycling experience literally changed over night.  I was blown away.  It was quite bizarre for me as for most of my riding time had been spent being nervous and very cautious - as mountain biking with vision in only one eye is challenging.  But suddenly I had confidence.  It has been brilliant for Doug and I as we were cycling together and doing a sport we both really enjoyed together - for the first time since we had Kayla.
It has been fairly slow process as I was still a bit prone to picking up funny injuries.
It has also been a bit of a bloody and bruising process - as my confidence grew, my speed grew but my technical skills didn't grow quite as fast so there have been quite a few tumbles.  I really don't mind those.  As long as I can get back on my bike after a fall it works for me!

Of course the talks of various rides/races/challenges get bandied about - either when we are full of energy after the rides or full of alcohol!  Naturally I say not for me - I am a novice and a scaredy-poep and a dodgey rider etc.  But somewhere along the line I either plucked up my courage or got worn down by my hubby's perseverance or had too much to drink (probably the last one if I know me!) and the next thing I know I am committed to riding Ride to Rhodes in September 2014. http://www.freedomchallenge.org.za
So this is a little written account of my preparation for this big, exciting, scary adventure.